Maybe Even Two
by Krast Bannert
Summary: Born an outcast, and suddenly thrust into a new role as a Seeker, Aloy - quite frankly - really as no idea what she's doing. All she knows is she needs to find the woman who looks like her. Is she her mother? She has no idea. And there is a lot she doesn't have time for. But, she slowly finds that there's a certain Vanguardsman who she'll always have a minute for. Maybe even two.
1. Prologue - The Truth in Myth

_**Prologue – The Truth in Myth**_

" **The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic." – John F. Kennedy**

* * *

You probably already know what I'm gonna say.

All those tales you've heard? The stories?

Yeah, those are a load of horse shit. Well, mostly. A little truth in everything, as they say.

Things have, uh…escalated a little, though. Didn't take down a dozen Thunderjaws defending Meridian, for example. (There were only two.)

Sometimes, though, that's just what happens. You can't control it, because it's…it's just human nature. _Our_ nature. We need something to inspire us to do more, be more. It's we look up at the stars at night – they inspire us to reach ever higher. So, because of that, we just sort of…add more to each "truth".

It's like a game of telephone. You get a few people together, tell the first person one thing, and by the time it gets to the tenth person it's completely different. And we pretend like that's a bad thing, a horrible thing that should always be prevented. But really, this…flaw…is kind of a super power, if you think about it. Humanity's own special brand of magic.

And even so, with all those "flaws", those little twists and turns that spin a tale into something it isn't, the truth at the heart of it all remains. And that's…that's just how stories end up. The ones that really matter. The stories your parents tell you when you're little, the ones that are full of darkness and despair but always have a happy ending. The stories that really stick with you.

They start out as a kernel of truth, then the truth becomes a story. That story becomes fable, and fable turns into myth. And myth?

Myth…myth turns into legend.


	2. Chapter I - New Friends

_**Chapter I – New Friends**_

" **You're constantly trying to prove yourself, even after you've made it." – Chester Bennington**

* * *

Fuck.

Lost.

Just what he wanted to be.

He'd wandered off to find a private place to do his business, and, well…here he was. He must have had more to drink last night than he thought, seeing as how he had just wandered so far, lost in his thoughts. The only bright spot for him was the slight orange-ish tint in the sky; it had been a dark gray twenty minutes ago. He still, however, didn't relish the idea of being out in the wilds alone, easy prey for machines, and…forge knew what else.

All he could think about now was how Meridian was better. For one, he had more friends there. And the drinks were better. And there was, obviously, more ale than there was here in the Sacred Lands. To top it off, you didn't really have to worry about angry machines except for a few places, or angry Nora.

Just patrol, drink, patrol, drink, train, and drink some more. Wash, rinse, repeat.

He smiled lightly, mind going back to the previous night, and the Reverent Irid's face as Olin and he down flask after flask from the small collection they'd brought with them. They'd been going light, too. Or, well, so he'd thought, until the hangover this morning…

"Look out below!"

He glanced up and barely ducked to the side a moment later as a brown-clad blur sped through the air where his head had been just a moment before. Lifting his head up, he was just in time to watch a leather-and-fur clad Nora drop off the slipwire above the ground, roll up to her feet, and, with a spin, bring her bow to cheek and loose a pair of arrows faster than he could blink.

And they were aimed right at him.

He threw himself flat on the ground with a metallic thump. Rolling over, he got to his feet, lugging out his warhammer, fully expecting to see a raging Nora charging. Instead, he found a calm, incredibly serene one, bow hanging loosely at her side as she strode towards him through the grass. He glanced at where he'd been a moment earlier.

The whitish-blue of electric sparks split the night; a pair of Watchers lay in the grass, one arrow splitting the lenses of each. He looked at the Nora, pointing at the Watchers, suddenly struggling to find words.

She stopped a short distance away, one arm on her right hip. Her lips curved in the barest of smiles as he remained speechless. He opened his mouth to try and at least stammer out a 'thanks', but he stopped himself as his eyes wandered behind her. He rushed forwards, shoving her aside with his left arm – he caught a glance of hazel as she was tossed away – and brought his warhammer crashing down onto the head of the Watcher that had been hiding in the grass behind her.

The little machine died without a sound as its head simply collapsed under the force of the blow. Sparks flew as the electronics were snapped and mangled by ten pounds of solid Vanguard steel, itself propelled by two hundred pounds of human muscle. The machine's body seemed to freeze in place for a moment before it fell to the ground, spooking away a few birds from the trees above. His hammer had dug itself in the machine rather deeply. He closed his eyes a moment, taking a deep breath before he wrenched the hammer out it. He turned to try and speak to the Nora girl, only to find she had disappeared.

He sighed, shaking his head; he had hoped to thank her. Now, he was alone again. Looking around at his surroundings as he stifled a sneeze, he looked up at the slipwire the girl had dropped from, following its path. It ended on a cliffside about a hundred yards away. If there was a trail, below it, he couldn't see it; seeing as he had no other option, however, he began the slow walk towards the cliffs.

"Erend!" He spun at the muffled shout.

"Olin!" he yelled back, cupping his hands back. He started jogging in the direction the shout had come from." I'm comin'!" And, without a second thought, Erend began the slow shuffle towards his friends.

* * *

She peeked out an eye from behind the thick maple, watching as the metal-clad stranger disappeared into the woods. He seemed to be heading in the right direction, so good for him. She ducked back behind the tree, fiery braids poking her in the cheek as she sat down amongst the roots.

He'd probably just saved her – how had she not known about the Watcher? Stupid, stupid, stupid mistake – and they'd only just met. He knew nothing about her. Pretty much anyone from the tribe would have just watched as that Watcher would have ripped her apart. Of course, he was an outlander – he didn't follow the same rules. At least, she didn't think he would – he might not even know what an outcast was…

She sighed, shaking her head. She didn't know where he was headed, but he'd been walking…well not towards the Embrace, but not away from it, either. Sort of parallel to the North gate.

Enough.

She had to focus. She had a Proving to win tomorrow.

"Aloy!" Rost's voice came clear through the trees. Oh, right – his lesson. He'd let her stew on her encounter with the Sawtooth for hours. And now that the sun was rising…time to get back to what she knew.

* * *

"I…I guess I understand."

"I know that look." That damn fond smile, the little crinkles in the corners of his face. He was breaking her heart and he knew it.

"Will I ever see you again?"

Rost sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders." Perhaps you will, but that is for All-Mother to decide, not us."

Aloy only nodded. She didn't understand his…fascination with "All-Mother" and the tribal laws of the Nora. She didn't think she ever would – Aloy preferred to believe in what she could touch, and see, in what was physically there. The fire-haired Nora shifted uncomfortably for a moment. Before she could stop herself, she flung her arms around Rost's neck. She closed her eyes, put her head in the big man's fur-covered shoulder as she felt the tears surface. Rost stiffened under her a moment before he relaxed, wrapping his arms around her. Aloy felt Rost's palm gently pat her head.

"Thank you so much, Rost," she said quietly, pulling away from him. Rost wiped at the wetness on her cheek. It was one of a myriad of gestures he used to show affection; he wasn't too big on public displays of love, but…he did small things. Those little things that let you know he really cared.

"For you, Aloy, anything," Rost responded, gray eyes shining with pride and a hint of nostalgia. He gave her shoulder a light squeeze. He was always so careful with his strength." Now, go on."

Aloy nodded, taking a deep breath, shaking a little. She wiped away the last of the tears from her cheeks before turning to the path up to Mother's Heart. What would it be like? Who would be there? Would…would they even let her in? And then…then tomorrow. The day she'd been training for _twelve years_ for. The day she'd been waiting for her entire life.

"Aloy!" Rost's voice reached her ears. Turning, Aloy looked at him questioningly. The man who'd raised her from birth just looked at her. His face, his eyes, his posture, everything said it: he was proud. So, so proud.

"Be brave."

* * *

He knew it would all go tits up at some point. Erend just didn't know when or how. First came the glances, the muttered insults as the party of six made their way up to the Matriarch's Lodge at the top of Mother's Heart. Then the insults turned into yelling as Irid and he took the stage, waiting behind the Matriarchs. He didn't know what would really happen next as the Matriarch…whatever her name was, mentioned that they had come under a banner of peace. Irid stepped forward…

…and then came the fruit.

The Sun-Priest had barely gotten out the first word on the page before an apple sailed right past his ear. As he pressed through the next three words the volume and diversity of the fruit increased until the Nora were lobbing anything they could get their hands on, from blackberries and blueberries to the classic tomatoes.

 _Shit. I didn't want to have to do this. Ten shards say I screw it up._

He really need to stop that, making bets with himself.

"Hey, hey, hold your fruit!" Erend bellowed, attempting to make himself heard over the crowd. Irid scrambled backwards a few feet before getting bodily yanked backwards out of the line of fire by Kaylin as Erend rushed forwards.

"Nora faithful – hold your fruit!" That finally got their attention. The Vanguardsman took a breath and started." Now I'm Oseram, not Carja, so I'll put it to you straight: the thirteenth Sun-King was a murderous bung! He was!"

The crowd seemed to…stop a moment. Take a pause. The tension in the air hung like a knife, balanced before the throw; if he fucked this up, he'd be taking their only chance down with him.

"He was a tyrant and a monster. Raided my tribe for blood sacrifice, just like yours!" He could see a few approving nods. The knot in his chest was just starting to become unwound after being pulled tighter." My own SISTER was taken!" A few Nora began mumbling to each other, and some continued on with their insults." I _hated_ the Carja."

"But the thirteenth Sun-King is _dead_ – "He let the word hang in the air for a moment, give it some dramatic effect."- two years now. And who killed him?" A smile crawled on to his lips. They weren't going to expect this part. Well, at least he didn't think they would.

"The fourteenth!" The entire crowd seemed to nod approvingly. Erend felt the tension go down another notch, along with that damn knot in his chest." Not because he lusted for power, but because _someone_ had to put an end to his father's atrocities!"

That really took the tension out as the crowd let out a chorus of cheers and applause.

"The message this poor priest means to read," Erend gestured back at Irid, who was closed in on himself a little bit, arms crossed over his chest," is an _apology_. Straight from the lips of the fourteenth king. So please, can't you lend him your ears?"

While they may not have liked doing so, the Nora seemed to accept him. Erend nodded at Irid, who gave him a quick thank you before, once again, unfurling the scroll and starting from the beginning. Erend moved to the side of the stage, somewhere he could still provide security – look mean, menacing, the like – but still have a good overview of the crowd.

After about the first paragraph, he stopped paying attention to what Irid was saying. Same thing he'd heard him say to the Oseram, the Banuk, and the Utaru. Luckily hadn't had to go south, to Tenakth land, the damned cannibals…

"Ahh…" Olin's voice came from the side of the crowd, below the platform.

"What was that? What's wrong?" A woman's voice, unfamiliar. _Well, duh, no women came with you._

"Apologies…a malfunction," Olin replied, seemingly…unusually careful with his word choice. Turning, he glanced down on the other side of the statue. Olin was talking to a Nora, clad in leather and furs, with a fiery mane of braided hair.

"Olin!" he called somewhat cheerfully to him, jumping down off the stage and striding to his side." Making friends with the locals, are we?" The delver only mumbled something under his breath and took off, despite the young woman's protests. He seemed…hurried, in Erend's eyes. One of his eyebrows rose as he looked at the man's back while he walked off.

"Whoa…guess he's a bit more hungover than I thought," Erend chuckled, turning to look at the Nora woman. Squinting, he found a blue light peeking out from underneath her hair. Was it…" Hey, you've got the same trinket Olin has on his head. Since when did those become fashionable?"

"His name is Olin?" The young woman practically demanded it, looking Erend straight in the eyes. She…looked familiar, almost. He wasn't sure how – he'd never been in Nora land before – but there was something he recognized." Who is he? And where did he get one of these?"

Erend waved away the question dismissively." Ah, he's just a scrounger who has friends in high places. Spends half his time digging for artifacts, and the other half drinking or dicing. As for the trinket," he could only shrug," I guess he dug it up somewhere. Just a…weird old jewel he stuck on his face and decided he liked." _Shit._

"No offense," he added quickly." Looks great on you." She huffed, but he could see a slight tinge of red appear as the corners of her lips edged upwards slightly. Erend smiled at that; it was cute, almost, the way the blush crept up to her cheekbones. They stood there a moment, glancing basically anywhere but each other before Erend finally said something.

"You, uh…you look familiar," he started, before suddenly he connected the dots." I remember now, you were the one that covered my ass in the woods!"

The woman smiled, a little broader than she had before." I thought I recognized you. You, ah…you had my back covered, too."

Erend chuckled." That I did. Call it even?"

"Even," she replied. She turned, gestured for him to follow." That was quite a speech. I thought your friend was gonna go down in a hail of fruit, but…you really calmed the crowd."

The Vanguardsman snorted, plucking a pair of apples from a tray they passed. He handed one over to his companion, who accepted." Thanks. I…wasn't entirely sure I could do it. The Nora are still pretty pissed about the Red Raids, and, I mean, I can't blame them for it." He took a bite out of the apple; it was…flavorful, he thought as the juice ran down into his beard. Nothing like the ones they grew out near the Maizelands, though. The woman next to him gestured over at him as she wiped her lip. Seemed she was having the same issue as him.

"Nice armor, by the way. I've never seen anything like yours before," she spoke with her mouth full. Erend stopped over at the side of the causeway, eyebrows raised.

"You've never seen _Vanguard steel_? Well, let me introduce you," Erend puffed his chest, rapping on the chest piece with his knuckles. Time to show off." Ring locked, impact protected. Sturdy enough to choke a Sawtooth. Has to be."

At her raised eyebrow, he continued." The Vanguard are the Sun-King's best. Life-takers and machine breakers to a one." He punched his fist in to his palm to compound the point. Erend eyed her, sizing her up." Might even give a Nora Warmaid like you more trouble than she can handle."

"With all that armor to slow you down?" she scoffed, shaking her head." I doubt it."

"Yeah, maybe. From where I'm standing it looks like a pretty even match." He leaned on the fence, gazing out over Mother's Heart, and what the Nora called "The Embrace". It was pretty. Almost like the Claim. Like...what was the Claim to him, actually? Ah, questions for another day.

"So…what else do you know about Olin?" _Damn her_ , was all Erend thought. Those honey-colored eyes were penetrating. He couldn't _not_ answer the question.

"Is he really that interesting? I'm starting to get jealous," he feigned." Well, he scours the wilds for ruins, digs up stuff and sells it to nobles. And, when he's not scrounging, he's scouting. Exactly the kind of person you want leading your expedition. I've known him for a few years. He's a loyal companion, cares for his family, holds his drink well enough – I like him. Besides that, not much to tell."

She nodded, looking back out into the distance. She shuffled uncomfortably before standing up straight." I should, uh…I should probably go to the Blessing."

"Yeah," Erend nodded dejectedly. If she noticed, she didn't say something." Look…maybe I shouldn't say this, but it's obvious you don't belong in this…backwater." One of her eyebrows climbed up her forehead a tick.

"I mean, you're smart, you're obviously capable, and…I mean…well, look at you…"

She cocked her head at that." Umm…what are you talking about?" She…she sounded honestly confused.

"You know _what_ ," Erend shook his head. Hammer and spit, he was dumb." Listen, if you ever visit Meridian, look me up. I'll show you around, make introductions. It'd be a whole new life, if you want it. I'll even introduce you to my sister."

"I thought you said she was captured and killed by the last Sun-King?"

"Ha! Captured, yes, killed, no. Takes more than a few Carja to finish Ersa. She got away, and now she's Captain of the entire Vanguard. Makes a great story. Maybe I'll tell you to sometime over a drink." He waved his hand, as if to scrub the last of the conversation from history." Anyway, I have to go to that Blessing thing, too, so…see you around, maybe?"

The Nora smiled; this time, it seemed genuine. Either that or she could _really_ fake her body language. Erend returned her smile and nodded before turning away, headed back towards the stage. He heard the snow crunch under her boots as she walked in the opposite direction; she had a careful stride, light and quick. Like a predator.

Suddenly, it stopped.

"Hey," he heard her call. He turned, curious. She was looking at him with interest." I never caught your name."

"Erend," he answered. He gestured at her." And yours?"

"Aloy," she replied simply before turning away.

 _Damn her_ , Erend thought. _Not going to be able to forget that_.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Hello everybody! Fair warning, this is my first time writing for Horizon: Zero Dawn, and I have always been kinda bad at romance fics, so this is probably going to be a bit rusty (and by a bit I mean VERY rusty). These first two chapters are definitely in need of editing, I just wanted to post them before I went away from technology for the next week.

If you have advice, whatever it may be - imagery, characters and character development, plot, world-building, anything - I will take it, so please, leave a comment. Anything left, be it comments or kudos, is appreciated.

For now, and until next time, Auf Wiedersehen!

 _Krast_


	3. Chapter II - Death Comes

**Chapter II – Death Comes**

" **Death is just the beginning** **." – Unknown**

* * *

To Erend's surprise, the morning after the festival the night before was…lazy. That was probably the best word to describe it. He, of course, hadn't been entirely sure what to expect - artying? rowdiness? hangovers? He knew next to nothing about the Nora traditions, and what little he'd heard had been proven so vastly wrong in the past day. No one had killed and eaten him, he'd seen no one eating bark from trees, and very few people eating those "tough little plants in the ground", as the Well-Traveled Aram had put it. After this trip, though, Erend was beginning to suspect that Aram really hadn't been so well traveled.

The morning – at least from his view sitting in a chair outside the longhouse he'd slept in the night before - seemed to play out much the same as mornings everywhere else. Clean up after the night before, set out for the day with whatever you needed for work. He'd woken up early enough to see the contestants off, and he was…impressed. The group was all young, very young – the oldest in the group had seen maybe twenty winters, if that. And yet they all appeared to be strong, hardy, and razor sharp. It was impressive.

And, somewhat unsurprisingly, Aloy had been in the lead.

He hadn't gotten the chance to speak to her again, sadly. It didn't seem that she was avoiding him, at least on purpose, but she hadn't really made any moves to be talk to him after the Blessing, either. Oh well – after today he probably wouldn't see her again, anyways. The Nora had something against leaving the Sacred Land. _To each their own_ , Erend supposed. There would probably be more women he'd have an easier time getting to in Meridian.

Sighing, he uncorked the waterskin on the table next to him and sipped from it. The cool liquid inside rushed down his throat. He didn't actually need anything to drink. Erend just wanted to get rid of his damned hangover sometime today, and the Nora didn't have the herbs to make one of the teas Ersa normally made. So, water and rest were the only things left. He popped the cork back in the waterskin and glanced behind him; Olin was still sitting on his chair in the corner, twiddling his thumbs. Something was off about him, something about the way he was looking not at Erend, or at the longhouse wall, but somewhere farther away, something about the way he kept mumbling to himself.

The delver had been _incredibly_ eager to leave, earlier, practically shoving the four Vanguard members out the door before he was reminded that Irid had to stay for 'negotiations' with the Matriarchs. Erend snorted. _Negotiations – damn priest won't get anywhere with those old hags._ He put the thought out of his mind and stood up, leaving the waterskin dangling from his chair. He stretched for a moment, sighing at the relief that came with the low chorus of pops and cracks, before descending the steps and turning on the path up to where the Blessing had been the night before.

He stopped along the fence, near where Aloy and he had stopped last night. The sounds and scents from last night were totally different. The thick scent of roasting venison, the pounding of drums, the hum of hundreds gathered together – it was replaced by…quiet. Mother's Heart was peaceful compared to last night. He took in a deep breath; he could smell fresh bread being baked on hearths, and leather tanning on racks below. Occasionally snippets of conversation reached his ears, but other than that…it was just quiet.

And the air…the air compared to Meridian, or even the Claim, was just _clean_. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, just taking in the smell. It was nice, but it also unnerved him – it just felt _wrong_. Somehow, though, Erend enjoyed the peace. If only Meridian was a bit more peaceful.

And without warning the morning quiet was shattered as a monstrous roar split the mountain air. Erend whirled, mouth agape as he looked across the valley at the smoke emanating from the top of the mountain across from Mother's Heart. The Vanguardsman could do nothing but stare in awe as flames roiled amongst the smoke. There was something…terrifyingly beautiful about it. It was poetic, almost.

 _The Proving._ That explosion…it came from where the Proving was being run.

 _Aloy._

The twin thoughts kicked him out of his awed stupor. He whirled and ran back to the longhouse where he'd been staying. He was ready to break down the door to get the Vanguard out of there, but there was no need for that. The other Vanguardsmen were already standing on the porch, pointing at the explosion and murmuring.

"Hammer and steel, get your boots on, you lugs!" Erend bellowed at them." We're heading over there five minutes ago, now MOVE!" The group practically tripped each over each other getting back in the cabin, requiring Dariya – who had hung back, waiting – to literally give the other two a boot in their ass to get them through. Erend waited impatiently until the rest of them made it through the doorway before he went in.

He buckled on his armor quickly, thankful for the simple process and for Kaylin's help, before he hefted his hammer and slung it across his back. Erend sent the other three Vanguardsmen ahead while he checked the longhouse. He didn't want the Nora more pissed off at them than they already would be. _Were_. _Were pissed off._ There was no an isolationist tribe _wouldn't_ be pissed off at them.

He was about to leave himself when he noticed Olin. The delver looked like he hadn't moved from his position in the chair.

"Olin, you good?" Erend hadn't meant to bark at him – and he didn't _think_ he had – but Olin nearly jumped out of the chair.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good, apologies," the Oseram ran a dirty hand over his face. He shook his head, his big jowls flapping around a bit." Just…thinking. I'm…I'm ready to go home."

"Yeah," Erend replied softly, accepting his statements with a nod. He turned and glanced over at the mountaintop; the pall of smoke still hung in there, rising ever so slightly." Me too."

* * *

Braves had locked down Mother's Watch, and locked it down tight. Erend had spent ten minutes banging on the gate before he finally got a response out of one of the Nora standing above the gate. He was an older man, with a great bushy beard that covered the lower part of his face, the rest of his hair covered by his hood. When he finally looked down at Erend and the Vanguard, his expression was grim.

"Mother's Watch is closed to outlanders," the brave stated flatly, eyeing the assortment of weapons the group carried. Dariya had opened her mouth to speak when she was interrupted by the most horrible sound Erend had ever heard.

But this…this wasn't a sound that grated on the ears. It wasn't an unpleasant sound. No, this was the sound of pain. Anguish. Torment. Dozens – no, _hundreds_ – of Nora crying out together. The brave's eyes widened, turning to look first behind him, then at the mountaintop. After a moment of gazing he lowered his head, and the sound of quiet sobbing reached his ears.

Erend knew exactly what the pained sound was for. He'd heard it before. In Mainspring, in Pitchcliff, and in Free-heap. He'd heard it in Sunfall and in Lone Light, and in Brightmarket. In so many places, in both the Claim and the Sundom. He just never thought he'd hear something like it again.

And this time…this time it was so much worse than anything he'd ever experienced. It was the crying out of a people that had never known tragedy like this before, the wailing of years of pent up pain and sadness all being let out at once. He felt the tears peek at his eyes, and as he blinked them away he could see the others having the same issue. Irid's voice reached him, offering a prayer of reverence and mourning. _A kind gesture_ , Erend thought, _but the Nora won't care. Prayers never help._

"Let's go," Erend spoke finally to his small group." There's nothing we can do now." He received no argument. He could hear their muffled acknowledgement, their boots crunching in the dirt and snow as they turned and walked away until only he was left. Erend thought about the pretty girl he'd met last night. He wondered if she'd made it.

 _Nothing you could do_.

It was time to go.

Erend turned to leave, wiping at his face, before he stopped. He turned back around, looking up.

"Brave!" The man in question turned, his face covered by one hand. Erend could see a glint on his cheeks." If there is any way I can help, send for the Vanguard." The brave seemed made no motions. The words would have to do.

With a final glance back at the mountain, and the thick black smoke that was only now starting to clear from it, Erend turned on his heel. He could see the others waiting for him up at the river crossing. They didn't seem to be paying much attention to…anything really. He could understand. He couldn't focus either.

He reconnected with the group, and within minutes they were on their way. They stopped later that night, a safe distance outside the gates of the Embrace. They made camp in a small clearing, sheltered amongst a stand of towering maples. The dinner they ate of cold, stale bread and old cheese was silent. No one wanted to talk; something about conversation seemed improper.

Olin was the first one to turn in. Irid followed his example moments later, leaving only the Vanguard sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

"You guys head to bed," Erend finally broke the silence, still staring into the small fire they'd built up." I'll take first watch."

"Wake me in three hours. I'll take second," Kaylin replied quietly. He rose to his feet, still looking at the fire. It took the older man a moment before he was able to tear himself away to his bedroll. Dariya and Tanil retreated themselves a few minutes later, leaving Erend alone with his thoughts.

It took him a while to muster the will, but he finally tore himself away from the fire and began to walk the perimeter of the camp. The night was quiet; even the birds and the insects, it seemed, were reluctant to talk. The sky was cloudless; a full moon hung in the sky, illuminating his way. He passed underneath into a stand of oaks, and the moon's light was blocked out, so Erend was surrounded in almost total darkness.

And then he saw it.

A shaft of moonlight breaking through the trees, illuminating a small flower poking up through the rocky soil. Erend was drawn to it, but he wasn't sure why. He stopped, glancing around, before taking a step towards it, and another, and then another, until he was standing right in front of the flower. He dropped to one knee in front of it, head bent down as he cupped the blossoms in one hand.

The stem extended up to his knee, the flowers all clumped together in a huge bunch, hidden amongst the green leaves. The flowers were small – maybe twice the size of his thumbnail – but were brilliantly colored, white petals with a lazy sunset emblazoned in the central cone. He'd seen these flowers only once before, back home in the Claim…

 _Aloy._

She'd…she really hadn't said much about herself. It had been clear to him that she wasn't comfortable, back in the village. For what reason, he couldn't say, but he'd seen the way other Nora had looked at her. It had been with disgust; hatred, almost. Somehow, Erend doubted she had much of a family. Or friends.

 _No one to mourn_. He wrestled with himself for a few minutes before he made up his mind. He set his other knee down on the dusty ground, reached for his belt. He popped open a pouch there, reached into it, and pulled out a set of beads. The beads were an array of color, brilliant shades of blue, green, yellow, red, and more he couldn't name. He'd nabbed them for Ersa, thinking she would like them, but it seemed he'd found a better use for them.

He arranged them around the flower in an intricate circular pattern, one of three simple circles, two smaller circles crossing over each other inside of the larger. He had to mix in some pebbles to make it work, but it was good enough. This was one of few things he could do without totally screwing it up.

He hoped, at least.

Erend stopped for a moment, looking at the beads and pebbles. It seemed…enough. He didn't need to be the one mourning her – hell, he probably shouldn't have been the one doing it, he barely knew the girl. But something in his gut told him to do it anyways.

It was, however, time to finish his circuit. He regretfully stood and turned away. The rest of his path proved uneventful. But something kept gnawing at him. Something, to Erend, seemed unfinished. Almost absentmindedly, he scooped up a small wood knot as he sat back down near the fire. He turned it over in his hands, gazing at it. He couldn't make anything special out on it – it was flat, he could tell that much, but the fire was too low to make out details. Setting the knot aside, he picked up a stick and poked at the fire, guiding it back to a small life.

He glanced up at the moon; by his judgement, it had only been an hour. Kaylin still had some time. Erend picked the knot back up; like he'd been able to see, it was flat, with minimal blemishes. It was clean, too. All the better. Drawing out his knife, he started to carve into the knot. The wood was tough, and it was slow going, even with his razor-sharp blade. It could have taken him less time, but he wanted this to be right. The work so engrossed him that he didn't even notice when Kaylin stirred.

"Alright boss," his compatriot yawned." Time for you to sleep." Erend practically left his skin when he heard Kaylin's voice. _Must be more tired than I thought_.

"Fair enough. Gonna go take a piss," Erend tiredly replied." Don't fall in the fire." The scruffy Oseram only snorted, taking a seat on his stump as Erend wandered off into the bushes. Erend slipped his knife back into its sheath, holding the wooden knot he'd been carving in his palm. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks; he barely knew why he was doing this.

When he reached the plant, he stopped. It was just as he'd left it two hours ago. Kneeling, he put the knot – carved faced upwards, towards the stars – at the base of the floor. 'Aloy', it read. He'd carved the knot free of the small imperfections on the edges, rounded it off, then painstakingly carved out the girl's name.

 _It'll have to do._

* * *

 _ **A month later**_

Erend wandered through the streets of Meridian, mind covered in a strange fog. Everything had happened too quickly.

Too forge-damned quickly.

 _Fuck the forge._

 _Fuck Avad._

 _Fuck the Vanguard._

 _Fuck the Stone._

 _Fuck the ancestors._

 _Fuck EVERYTHING._

There was too much. Way too much. Erend just wanted to scream until his voice died and his throat turned raw, and then scream some more until his throat began to bleed. And then curl into a ball and just _die_.

He'd been back in Meridian for two and a half weeks. He'd gotten over what he'd seen at the Proving – with the help of Uncle Mead, of course – and settled back into his normal routine. Patrol, help Ersa, train, drink, get his ass beat by Ersa, train some more. And, of course, drink quite a lot more. Each and every day, that was his routine. Olin had wandered off within a day of getting back, probably off to do more scrounging. The rest of the Vanguard was still running their own duties.

Then she'd disappeared into the night. And she…she came back. On a stretcher. Not moving.

And now here he was. The useless drunken bung, stumbling around life.

This wasn't supposed to be happening. Ersa was supposed to be here. _Ersa_ was supposed to be here, to be the Captain of the Vanguard. But now she wasn't. She was dead. Gone.

The last person he had left that he knew he could call 'family'.

 _Fuck me._

He'd seen her body lying in state, in the temple. He'd had to turn away. He couldn't look at her like that. It wasn't how this was meant to be. Ersa had been radiant, beautiful, smart, full of life; he couldn't look at her as she had been, even cleaned up as she was. Ersa was supposed to be there, to be alive, to be correcting him.

Now he had no one.

And he was all the more fucked up for it. The first thing he'd done after seeing her body three days ago was go to the tavern. No one had been talking when he walked in and took his usual spot at the bar. He'd tried to offer Trayah, the bartender, enough shards to cover his tab for the next week, but she wouldn't let him pay. 'On the house' she'd said, in the quiet, understanding tone of a woman practiced in dealing with drunks.

He'd more than taken her up on that. Erend had crawled into the bottom of a bottle – hell, the bottom of the whole damned _barrel_ – and hadn't come back up for air yet. He had no reason to. First the Proving massacre, then Ersa and her best men.

 _Except me. It should have been me lying in the temple, not her._

That was all he could think about as he wandered Meridian in a drunken stupor. He didn't know where he was going. Didn't care. He just wanted this nightmare to end. He growled, stopping in the main intersection near the front gate. The crowd had only grown, but they weren't allowed in. Not yet. Meridian was in lockdown. But, as usual, the Carja didn't care – the ones not from Meridian didn't know, couldn't know. They would never care. Because they wouldn't understand just what Ersa had done. Who she was.

Everything he could see started to swim in front of him, shapes twisting and blending together slightly. Erend closed his eyes, taking a deep shuddering breath as he clenched his fists. He nearly tried to get his fingernails to break through the stiff leather of his gauntlets.

He just wanted it to end.

All of it.

"Ersa? You mean Erend's sister is dead?" The words somehow reached his ears. _No._ He opened his eyes, disbelieving; he gave his head a shake, gave himself a light slap in the face. He had to get some sense back in his drunken head – she was dead, wasn't she?

"And how would _you_ know his name?"

"I know Erend. Summon him. I need to speak to him." No, no, no, this was impossible – and yet, as he caught a glimpse of a slender frame draped in Nora garb, a bright fiery mane spilling over shoulders, he found himself confronted by what he _hoped_ was reality. Erend moved almost unconsciously, still in a daze, towards her. _Please be real. Please don't be a nightmare._

"Ha!" the Carja guard threw back his head. It made Erend's blood boil every time he did that." I doubt that Erend, the new _Captain_ of the _Vanguard_ , a man in grief, is going to waste his time on a grimy outlan- "

"Aloy!?" Erend slurred, interrupting the guard, who turned in disbelief. Erend felt a wild smile break across his face. He saw on Aloy the start of smile suddenly droop into a grim, disappointed frown.

 _Shit._

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Good evening everyone!

New chapter for your consideration and enjoyment. This mostly written and edited late at night so…it may not be the _best_ I've ever written (honestly feeling a little iffy on this chapter – always nervous about such things but it's a little worse this time).

I do want to thank all of you that have read this so far, and the ones that have left kudos – the support is very, very, very much appreciated.

As always, comments and criticism are welcome. Enjoy!

For now, and until next time, Auf Wiedersehen!

 _Krast_

Chapter song - "Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World


	4. Chapter III - Only A Little

_**Chapter III – Only A Little**_

" **Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough." – Mark Twain**

* * *

The desert night was always peaceful. Or had been, anyways.

Now, all Erend could feel was the turmoil inside him, a blizzard of happiness, elation, disappointment, and guilt. Aloy had just…appeared out of the night. It felt like a gut punch to the stomach. With a side helping of hammer-smack. She'd been _dead_ , he'd been so sure of it. That terrible sound, that wail from the Nora – it could only have meant that everyone up on the mountaintop had died.

And yet…here she was. Standing _right here_ , next to him. She was _alive_. _Alive_.

Or was he just hallucinating? By the forge, he hoped not.

"This is beautiful," she spoke quietly. He followed her gaze, out over Meridian Village, over the Maizelands and to the jungles beyond. To the Spire, twinkling in the moonlight, a tower of a thousand lights. The rivers and canals lazily treading through the fields. It really _was_ beautiful.

"Should see it at the Wintersend Festival," Erend murmured, vision hazy as he looked out." Whole city decorated with little paper lanterns, everything lit up by the bonfires, people playing music, dancing in the streets – it's amazing." He sighed deeply, kneading his forehead with a hand. _Ersa's favorite._ He didn't realize he'd spoken until he heard her voice again.

"Erend, I…I heard what happened. A little bit, anyways," she breathed quietly. She shuffled closer to him and _forge_. He wondered if she knew how distracting she was." I know she was special to you."

The Vanguardsman snorted and released his death grip on the post. He shifted, turning his eyes down to the decking.

"Special to me? Ersa was special to everyone," his voice, to his own ears, sounded almost reverent. And he was, honestly; he had always walked in Ersa's shadow. Not by choice – she was just _better_." She bossed everyone around." He turned away from Aloy." She kept me in line."

He shook his head, one hand going up to his face, and he turned back around. His eyes burned, and he tasted salt." I'm supposed to fill her shoes, now, you know. Damn good job I'm doing of fucking that up."

Aloy blinked. She was…speechless. _Come on, think of something, think of something!_

"I…I lost someone, too. It was at the Proving. The man that raised me. His name was Rost."

"Aloy…I'm so sorry," Erend trailed off. He wanted to say more, but his alcohol-rotted brain couldn't gather the words. The Nora just shrugged, face turned away. They stood there in silence until Erend opened his mouth to speak, pushing himself off the railing.

The next thing he knew, he was sputtering as water was poured over his face. Erend felt his cheek being slapped lightly, and a light voice whispering at him, a deep sense of panic in the voice.

"Come _on_ , Erend, wake _up_! Please!" _Aloy_.

His wrist somehow shot up and grabbed at her wrist, and he felt the water stop. He let go and plunked his hand back down, eyeing the fire-haired girl kneeling next to him." There's better ways to wake me up."

His voice was still slurry. _Yep, still drunk._

"I know, I tried them," she replied, gracefully moving her limbs to sit cross legged next to him." Your eyes just…rolled back, and you fell over. Erend, what _happened_?"

Erend shook his head, and instantly regretted it. It was split with pain, an awful pounding behind his eyes." Prob-prolly… _ugh_ …blacked out. Hap-happens s'times."

He heard Aloy sigh deeply as his eyes closed.

"Does that happen with _only a little_?"

He gently shook his head in response. He knew damn well he'd overdone it. He _always_ did. But he had an excuse, right? Ersa was his excuse. And, now that he faintly realized it, always _was_. And Erend just couldn't do that to her. Shouldn't, but he did.

And Ersa deserved better. Deserved _so much_ better.

Grunting, he heaved himself slowly to a sitting position, next to Aloy on the walkway. Erend ripped off one of his gauntlets to scrub a hand over his face. He needed to shave, badly. And he needed to bathe. He sighed, throwing his gauntlet down and hanging his head.

"I know you didn't come here just to listen to my problems. What did you need, Aloy?"

"Well…" she started, slowly. He looked up, and she was picking at some unseen thread on her boot." You…I guess you know that the Proving was attacked?"

Erend just nodded. He could see the flash of fire on his eyelids." We were…we were in the village at the time. I could see the explosion. And when we got down to the village, after your braves had gone up to scout the area…the cry of grief…I've never heard anything like that."

He peered over at Aloy through one of his hands, voice coming out in a quiet whisper." I thought you were dead."

Aloy nodded slowly, folding her hands in her lap." Only five of us survived. I was the only one able to walk when I left."

"H-how'd you d'it?"

"Erend, I don't think you have the brain power to understand that right now." The words were a slap in the face, despite her careful, measured delivery, but she was right. _Too_ right." And I'm…I'm just tired, right now."

Erend snorted when she mentioned his brain power. He didn't much in the first place. But even in his drunken state he understood what she was trying to say.

"We c'ld st-stay at my place…but t'may take a while to…to get there," he offered. The later he stayed up, the more slurred his speech got.

Aloy gave him a guarded look." No…funny business?"

Erend's lips twisted into a droopy smile." No funny business. Just sleeping. Promise."

The Nora regarded him for a minute before she nodded." Yeah. Alright. You, uh, you do need to get up, though."

Erend sighed exaggeratedly." Yeah, I guess you're right." Slowly, he picked himself up off the ground, armor clanking loudly. He wobbled on his feet before he was reasonably certain he'd regained his balance.

He flashed a grin at Aloy before taking a tentative step." Follow _meeee!_ " He watched Aloy bring a hand to cover her face; he could hear a little giggling as he slowly walked. Sure enough, though, she followed him, through the now-empty streets of Meridian.

It took the pair nearly an hour, a few wrong turns, and one too many falls for Erend, but they got back to his home, a stately little place a short distance from Avad's palace.

"Well, here's home." Erend stepped up and clumsily fished around in his pockets before producing the key and unlocking the door. He pushed it open with a drunken flourish, and Aloy followed him inside. It wasn't until he got in the door that Erend's exhaustion caught up to him.

He didn't know the last time he'd slept. Erend had been so preoccupied drowning in beer, ale, and mead that he hadn't paid attention, and his addled brain didn't want to think.

Erend mumbled something to Aloy about taking the bed before falling face-first onto the couch in his small living room.

"Are you really going to sleep there on the couch?"

"You can take the bed," Erend muttered into the pillow. He ripped his gauntlets off and threw them to the ground before he began working on the buckles of his armor. He didn't even want to take it off, he just wanted to let the void take him already, but Erend knew he'd be better off in the morning.

Sighing, he slowly lifted himself out of his chest piece, dropping it on the floor next to him. He kicked off his boots and flopped back on the cushions; forge, he was _dead_. He still wished he _was_. As he closed his eyes, he heard Aloy grunt softly, moving something, before he heard a soft humming, a lilting, happy tune.

He waited several minutes before opening one eye. He could vaguely see Aloy's legs, kicked up comfortably, one bouncing lazily in the air, through his sleepy, drunken haze.

"Aloy," he murmured, lifting his head up," you know…you know you don't have to sleep on the floor, right?"

"I'm used to it," she chirped, rolling onto her side, hazel eyes peering up at him. Her hair was out of its usual braids, spilling over her shoulders, and she blew a couple strands out of her face." Besides, I'm…used to sleeping near people. It's a…a _Nora_ thing."

"Suit yourself," he said." Just…figured you'd be more comfortable." He was cramped on the couch, but it was enough. He didn't want to get up. His eyelids slowly drooped closed, Aloy's quiet humming slowly lulling him peacefully to sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

Uh, so yeah. Hey. I'm not dead, believe it or not.

That was a long wait, yes, I know. Blame college. And procrastination. And writer's block. Yeah. All those things.

I've been stewing on this chapter for a while. Sine, uh…July. That's a long time. I didn't really edit this chapter, so it doesn't live up to the others, I'm sure, but I wanted to get _something_ out (I wrote approximately 900 of the 1400-1500 words today) as soon as possible. I'm planning on trying to get out at least one other chapter while I'm on winter break, then it's back to good ol' school. Yay.

Anyways, enjoy, peoples of the internet. Feedback of all kinds is, as always, greatly appreciated.

- _Krast_


End file.
